It’s been a while, and a lot has been going on! I don’t know if I am making excuses, or if I’ve really been that busy; right now, it doesn’t matter.
What matters is, because I’ve been so busy, I am not losing focus which causes anxiety.
So, the goal of buying a home has been accomplished. Yay! First-time home buying was, and still is, one of the most stressful experiences of my life. But it is true that it is one of the most rewarding as well.
The next fun part comes with the unpacking and remodeling. Luckily, the remodeling is a want and not a need. But those extra tasks are throwing off my regular routine. My brain also hasn’t figured out that this is the new reality so I just feel weird.
I haven’t been doing a work out routine since the move, which is coming up three weeks. I’ve taken the doggo for a walk in the morning, some days, but I just feel like I am not doing enough. I’ve lost over seven pounds, but this week there was no change. I am starting to get discouraged.
Even though I feel discouraged, there is a part of me that I reminding myself that the new routine will be established and things will feel like normal again; I hope soon.
Part of the reason why I am feeling off is because since taking a few days off at the beginning of the month to move, one (if not all) of the kids have been sick and sent home the past two weeks. When this happens, the mom guilt kicks in and is full blast. It makes me want to do something to be able to find that balance again. But, every day I am on edge, wondering which one will be sent home today.
I’ve also depleted most of my savings to spend on car inspections and repairs. I am happy I had that extra money–because that is what it is there for–but now I have to replenish and I wonder if I will get back to that!
When things pile up at once, I feel incompetent and feel as though I am losing control. Then I just want to retreat. Hide. Quit. But I am NOT going to do that. Because I want to be happy. I want to be happy for myself and for my kids. I want to be a positive influence for others as well. But, part of being that positive influence is being real. Accepting that my issues are real, and not waving them away just because they may not seem as major as other people’s issues.
Lately, I’ve just been wondering why? And, this is it? This is what life is about? Getting up, working, going home, and doing it all over again? Because that isn’t fun for me. I feel so good when I achieve my goals and want to continue to aim for making positive changes. I just need to accept that maybe I will never be completely happy.
I need to pray more. I need to let go and put my full trust and faith in Jesus. I need to be grateful for what I have.