Excuses are Easy

It’s been over two months since I’ve last written. When I start to get down, or make the excuse of being too busy, then the first things I tend to neglect, are the things that are most important to my self-care.

When depression hits, my motivation disappears and the excuses creep in even though, deep down, I know it is depression. I know it’s a sign that I am going to be struggling for a while. But, it is easier to make excuses and pretend I am just too busy to get anything done for me instead of admitting there’s this thing that I cannot control that just randomly comes and goes with no explanation. I will never be 100% fine, and I struggle with that fact.

So, I am going to focus on the positive changes that have happened. As far as my book reading goal, I will be starting book 12, tonight! So, I am still ahead of the game. I’ve already read more books this year than I have last year. And, I know that I will continue to read on a regular basis, creating the same goal for next year. Reading at night has been a constant for me, and I no longer beat myself up when I skip a night because I recognize that finding a remedy for my exhaustion is more important in that moment.

I am down 16.8 pounds as of today! I am still doing my fast, which has helped me curb my appetite and has really helped with portion control! I do still indulge occasionally which I want to work on, but if I have a bad snack, I limit myself, and I’ve never done that before.

I started my Couch to 5k program up again. I skipped last week because, well, the cloud (my name for depression), but I am starting week 2 today.

I quit my job I held for almost six years; quit the field I was in for ten. WHAT! I know! I never would have done this if it weren’t for the support of my family. This change was better for my immediate family, overall, and I still have no regrets after almost a month since I left. I normally would feel extreme guilt and regret, but I honestly don’t! I am working from home where, essentially, I am my own boss. I get to have the two youngest babies at home with me, who are so good at entertaining themselves. We have a pretty good routine going for ourselves; I am still just perfecting my own routine.

In addition to my new at-home position, I’ve taken the risk of being a Market Partner with Monat! That is a post in and of itself so I am going to stop for now.

I am going to try to post at least once a week!

What is Happiness?

I started reading my third book of the new year. It is called The Book of Joy : Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I am looking forward to completing this book because I am a Christian; however, I agree with a lot of Buddhist concepts. Buddhism is very much Christ-like anyway. These two incredible figures coming together to discuss Joy and ways to achieve it is just another amazing tool to utilize on the journey of bettering myself.

One of the concepts that was brought up straight away, is the fact that we are in control of our own happiness and that in turn we are in control of our own misery. Now, we cannot control an event, such as a natural disaster; but, we can control how we handle the day-to-day disasters. Our perceptions will determine how we handle situations.

This is a concept that I teach my clients. This is also a concept I try to improve on within myself.

My husband and I have arguments at times because he can be a jerk (his words, taken right out of my mouth) and I can be too sensitive. We just had one of these arguments this morning, actually. Of course, my way to resolve an issue is to talk it out rather than catastrophize the situation (like he tends to do). I discover that the problem is the same all the time, and we both have things to work on. But, one of the common themes in these arguments is that he feels like he can never make me happy; and we both tend to feel not good enough. I remind him, over and over again, that he is not the controller of my happiness. I told him that even if I were married to Jason Momoa, and he did everything perfectly, I still probably wouldn’t be happy. He said, I would be happier though (lol, well).

Bottom line, yes he contributes to my happiness, but it isn’t his job to control my happiness. There will just be some days where I am not happy and nothing will make me happy–that comes with the depression. I’ve accepted it. But, I will not be defeated by it. I’ve also accepted that I am not in control of his happiness; or, anyone else’s.

Part of my journey is to be better at just being happy and not to be quick to react to things. This is one of my biggest struggles. I am a work in progress, always.

P.S. We made up.

Book Review: You’re Not Enough (And That’s Okay)

You’re Not Enough (And That’s Okay) by Allie Beth Stuckey was the second book I finished in 2021. Side Note: My goal is to at least double the books I’ve read in 2020, which was 8 lol.

I first gained interest in reading this book when Ms Stuckey was on Candace Owens’ podcast. I was attracted to the fact that she is family oriented, and that her faith is extremely important to her. The title of her book enticed me to read as well.

Have you ever told yourself, or have been told that you are enough; or that, you are perfect just the way that you are? Did you believe it? No? Why not? Well, because no one is perfect but God; which this book reminds its readers.

Stuckey points out that we are currently witnessing the growing popularity of a self-care, self-centered society. She writes that the current culture, and public figures in the form of social media influensters continue to tell us that we are perfect so there’s no need to change; yet they have some product or plan to helps us to find happiness with our inner selves. If we are perfect the way we are, then why are we still unhappy?

Stuckey explores five myths and breaks them down into relevant categories; she attempts to debunk each myth by incorporating scripture and reminders of what Jesus would do.

I agree with the overall message of Stuckey’s book; which is that we have to be less self-centered and more God-centered. We have to remind ourselves that in order to achieve true happiness, we need to live the way Jesus had. Whether you are religious or not, being less self-centered in a society of cancel culture, body positivity, and victim mentality is an essential goal to have. Another message in the book, is to just change your overall outlook on things. For example, being a mother is hard. Having “me time” is important; but, the “why” you want that self-care should be evaluated. You should see it as a way to recharge and be better for yourself and your family. You shouldn’t see it as a way to escape motherhood because it’s a curse and the kids are cramping your style. Those of us who are blessed enough to be mothers, should change our perspectives on the reason why we are searching for more me time.

What I don’t necessarily agree with in Stuckey’s book, is how much she thinks self-care is bogus. I disagree with it completely actually. Self-care is essential. Positive affirmations are an amazing tool. The reason why we are still not happy is because we don’t continue to set goals to achieve and better ourselves. You can be more like Jesus and still want to do things for you.

I am a huge advocate of self-care. And maybe, learning more about God is part of that self-care journey. I don’t expect to be perfect, or enough. But, after reading this book, I will try to change my perspective on the reason why I feel I need self-care.