I started reading my third book of the new year. It is called The Book of Joy : Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I am looking forward to completing this book because I am a Christian; however, I agree with a lot of Buddhist concepts. Buddhism is very much Christ-like anyway. These two incredible figures coming together to discuss Joy and ways to achieve it is just another amazing tool to utilize on the journey of bettering myself.
One of the concepts that was brought up straight away, is the fact that we are in control of our own happiness and that in turn we are in control of our own misery. Now, we cannot control an event, such as a natural disaster; but, we can control how we handle the day-to-day disasters. Our perceptions will determine how we handle situations.
This is a concept that I teach my clients. This is also a concept I try to improve on within myself.
My husband and I have arguments at times because he can be a jerk (his words, taken right out of my mouth) and I can be too sensitive. We just had one of these arguments this morning, actually. Of course, my way to resolve an issue is to talk it out rather than catastrophize the situation (like he tends to do). I discover that the problem is the same all the time, and we both have things to work on. But, one of the common themes in these arguments is that he feels like he can never make me happy; and we both tend to feel not good enough. I remind him, over and over again, that he is not the controller of my happiness. I told him that even if I were married to Jason Momoa, and he did everything perfectly, I still probably wouldn’t be happy. He said, I would be happier though (lol, well).
Bottom line, yes he contributes to my happiness, but it isn’t his job to control my happiness. There will just be some days where I am not happy and nothing will make me happy–that comes with the depression. I’ve accepted it. But, I will not be defeated by it. I’ve also accepted that I am not in control of his happiness; or, anyone else’s.
Part of my journey is to be better at just being happy and not to be quick to react to things. This is one of my biggest struggles. I am a work in progress, always.
P.S. We made up.